They left behind their trivial, selfish lives, and they’ve been reborn with a greater purpose. We’ve delivered them from chaos into order.
– The Borg Queen

Borg lullaby!
Borg lullaby!

Module BI-02(c)T: Assimilation

No discussion of the scourge of alien tech would be complete without the Borg. No other lifeform (if you can call them that) comes close to these spawns of Satan in pure unadulterated cybernetic evil. For one reason and for one reason only. Their fiendish proclivity for forcibly assimilating any species or technology they find even remotely interesting.

This module will focus specifically on the technological means of this villainy. Nanotechnology. Some of you shudder just thinking about it.

That’s because the Borg’s variety of microscopic robotic creatures not only attach themselves to every blood cell a lifeform possesses but goes on to sprout various hideous mechanical devices throughout the body. Often replacing vital organs entirely and modifying effectively the only one most humanoids often lasciviously cherish.

No, not that one. Mercifully, that particular vital organ is left untouched. Why we’re not entirely certain since Borg offspring are produced by other means. In any case, it’s the only unintentional act of mercy the Borg has ever demonstrated.

No, it’s the brain. (You may breathe a sigh of relief.)

Borg liar!
Oh, the joys of Borg consciousness!

Yes, immediately, upon assimilation, the necessary and lurid fantasies-capable encephalitis of unsuspecting romantic hedonists are rudely disconnected from their various sensuous mechanisms. And abruptly employed in the wholly unsatisfying practices of distinctiveness gathering.

Of the countless libidos of lustful humanoids wasted in this way over the eons of Borg atrocities, only a few essential and fascinating personnel (a Captain and Seven) and uninteresting folk (a Vulcan and Torres) have returned from cyborg celibacy. (Various disconnected zombie-ish drones don’t count because their suspected couplings are too hideous to contemplate.)

Most famously Captain Jean-Luc Picard and Seven-of-Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix 01. Some would argue both future and past Captain Kathryn Janeways should be included. But it’s well-known their cerebral facilities were never compromised because of a neural suppressant and a neurolytic pathogen, respectively. (Like that Vulcan and Torres.) Neither having experienced the agonies nor, despite rumors circulated by Seven of Nine, the thoroughly disproved ecstasies of collective consciousness. Though Janeway’s rigorous application of prolonged periods of abstinence could give credence to this argument.

Borg and uninteresting.
The Borg and the Uninteresting!

Of the nameless unfortunate others, their brains instantaneously changed in the aftermath of the nanoprobes’ cyber-attack, transforming the individual into a pale mottled caricature of his or her former libidinous self. Enslaved by the Borg Collective forever.

Of all the alien technologies we have encountered, this tech’s ability to completely dehumanize us and strip us of even the tiniest, most minute nuance of pleasure is the most frightening one. Though there have been allusions that Jean-Luc Picard and the Borg queen may have been “intimate” in some Borg-like colorless and completely non-graphic unentertaining way.

And ominously, the Borg queen, displaying this single instance of sensuality found in the Collective, used it exclusively to cloud Picard’s mind with loveless whispers of the Borg’s ideology. That all the technological know-how, societal advancements and even, alas, the creativity of a civilization must be added to their own.

Q summed up Borg-lust best. “The Borg are the ultimate user. They’re not interested in political conquest, wealth, or power as you know it. They’re simply interested in your ship, its technology. They’ve identified it as something they can consume.”

Borg queen whispers.
What yours is mine! What’s mine is mine!

Not admired. Not appreciated. Not respected. Not even replicated. But “consumed.” Because that is what the Borg philosophy is at its heart. A relentless, ravenous all-encompassing ideology of predatory celibates that devoured entire star systems.

There are those who believe the Borg Collective no longer exists because of the neurolytic pathogen inflicted upon the Primary Unicomplex. This theory is difficult to accept because of the Borg’s psychotic need to destroy the happy endings of erotic sentients everywhere.

Nevertheless, true or not, it would behoove us to be forever vigilant against a return of the Borg’s revolting asexual assimilating ways. It has not gone unnoticed that some species have developed Borg-like nanotechnology of their own (including the Federation). A resurgence of this celibate nano-neurotic ideology is the greatest threat to a prosperous and promiscuous society.


Hurley, Maurice. “Q, Who?” Star Trek: The Next Generation. Paramount Pictures. 8 May 1989. Television. Retrieved:

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